


Go the Fuck to Sleep--Childermass/Norrell Edition

by Predatrix



Category: Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell (TV), Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell - Susanna Clarke
Genre: M/M, Parody children's book parody, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-20
Updated: 2015-09-20
Packaged: 2018-04-22 11:44:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4834103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Predatrix/pseuds/Predatrix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I put on the jsmn-confessions Tumblr that I'd love to see a fanfic version of the popular Not-Actually-A-Children's-Book <i>Go the Fuck to Sleep.</i> As you can tell from the title, it's about the things the parent thinks but does not say to their little darlings. </p>
<p>I wish I could Art but I can't (my father can, but I am <i>certainly not</i> showing him this, for obvious reasons). So I added sort of implied pictures in words. Anyone who wants to turn these into Actual Pictures will get So Much Love. </p>
<p>I may work on this to get it better later, as it's late at night. </p>
<p>Suffice it to say that this is Norrell getting over-tired and playing up, and Childermass just wishing he'd go the fuck to sleep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Go the Fuck to Sleep--Childermass/Norrell Edition

[Picture of Vinculus with a big burglar's bag marked "Swag"]  
The books in the library are safe now.   
No other magician will creep  
To grab them and tear them and squeeze them.   
Please go the fuck to sleep. 

[Picture of many, many books]  
I know you've an indexing problem.   
Believe me, sir, indeed it will keep!  
No, you don't need to "check the Belasis".   
Just go the fuck to sleep. 

[Picture of a very comfortable bed]  
Your pillow's been turned, and it's downy.   
Your blankets from soft woolly sheep.  
Your cap and your nightgown are toasty and warm.   
So go the fuck to sleep.

[Picture of Norrell being over-tired and whining. About everything]  
I don't think your hot milk is "too milky"  
Or the last book you bought was "too cheap"  
Is it really too much to ask you, for once,  
To just lay your head...fucking sleep?

[Picture of Childermass leaning on the wall _trying_ to keep awake]  
At this time of night your conversation's too dry,  
I find all that theory too deep.  
Dear master, I'm tired--you're no walk in the park.   
Give up. Go the fuck off to sleep. 

[Picture of dozing mice]  
The mice are asleep in the fields, sir.   
No mouse in your house makes a peep.   
No, I didn't remove them using a cat,  
There's no reason to not fucking sleep. 

Would it kill you to ask? You're hard work, you!  
My patience away it does seep,  
All right, I know what you're after,  
I'll bed you and fuck you to sleep!

[Picture of one shagged-out and suspiciously happy-looking magician (who thinks his requirements are perfectly simple, but still would rather play up half the night like a fractious three-year-old than ask for what he likes) in the arms of the one person with the patience to put up with him!]


End file.
